You’re Not Broken—You’re Overwhelmed: What Anxiety Really Looks Like in Motherhood
If you’re a mom who lies awake at night replaying every decision, second-guessing how you handled your toddler’s meltdown, and wondering if you're ruining everything by not doing “more”...
You’re not alone.
You’re not failing.
You’re anxious.
And more importantly? You’re human.
What Anxiety Actually Looks Like for Moms
Anxiety in motherhood doesn't always show up as a full-blown panic attack (though sometimes it does). More often, it looks like this:
A racing mind that won’t shut off — even when you’re exhausted
Feeling like you’re always behind, no matter how much you do
Snapping at your partner or kids, then feeling ashamed
Keeping a constant mental tab of “what needs to get done next”
Lying awake at night — even when your baby finally sleeps
Feeling like something bad might happen if you stop trying so hard
Feeling suffocated by the pressure to figure out the “right way” to do everything
This kind of anxiety can creep in during pregnancy, hit hard in the postpartum period, or simmer under the surface for years—especially for high-achieving moms who are used to feeling “fine” and holding it all together.
Why It Happen
There’s no single cause of mom anxiety. It’s often a mix of:
The mental load: Being the keeper of everyone’s schedules, needs, and feelings
Big identity shifts: Motherhood can shake your sense of who you are
Perfectionism and people-pleasing: Especially if you grew up being “the responsible one,” “the one who had it all together,” or “the caretaker”
Chasing gold stars: Always striving for 100%, measuring yourself against impossible standards, and feeling like motherhood is a test you have to ace
Past trauma: Unprocessed childhood wounds, birth trauma, or generational patterns that quietly fuel anxiety in ways you may not even realize
Nervous system overload: Constant caregiving without enough rest or support, leaving your body stuck in “on” mode.
And when society expects you to feel grateful, glowing, and “soaking it all in,” it’s easy to believe something’s wrong with you when you’re secretly just trying to breathe.
How Therapy Helps You Actually Feel Calm Again
You’ve probably told yourself to just push through. That you should be able to handle it. That other moms have it harder.
But this isn’t about being strong — it’s about being supported.
In therapy, we slow it way down. We listen to what anxiety is trying to protect you from. We notice the tightness in your chest, the thoughts spinning at night, the edge in your voice you wish you didn’t have — and we get curious, not critical.
Together, we’ll work with your nervous system, not against it.
Using body-based tools (like somatic grounding and breathwork), parts work (like getting to know the voice of your inner perfectionist or anxious protector), and deeper trauma healing (through Brainspotting when you’re ready), we’ll make space for calm — not as a performance, but as a felt sense in your body.
That feeling of being able to hold space for what shows up, with flexibility and resilience.
This is therapy that meets all of you.
The mom.
The achiever.
The version of you who wants so badly to be present — but doesn’t know how to stop bracing for what might go wrong.
And together, we’ll remind your system what safety feels like — so you can actually live in it.
A Few Things That Might Help Right Now
While therapy offers deeper healing, here are a few grounding practices you can start today:
Name what’s happening: “This is anxiety, not truth.”
Breathe into your body: Try a kite breathing. Slowly inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6. Repeat.
Unclench your jaw and drop your shoulders—you might be holding more than you realize.
Step away from “doing” for a moment: Your worth isn’t in your productivity.
You’re allowed to slow down. You’re allowed to feel tired. You’re allowed to need help
You’re Not Alone (Even If It Feels That Way)
Anxiety is common — especially in motherhood. But that doesn’t mean you’re meant to carry it alone, or that it’s just “normal.”
You can heal. You can feel calm, confident, and connected again.
If you’re ready to finally feel calm in your body and clear in your mind, I’d love to support you.
I offer individual therapy for anxious moms in North County San Diego (San Marcos and Carlsbad) and throughout California via telehealth.
Let’s help you come home to yourself.
Ready to take the next step?
Schedule a free consultation with Ellie today to learn more about how therapy for anxious moms can support you in pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood.
By: Ellie Messinger-Adams LPCC
Owner and therapist at ēma therapy
