Is This a "Me Thing" or a "Kid Thing"?: Breaking Cycles Through Awareness, Body Wisdom, and Repair
As a mom, you’ve probably asked yourself:
“Is this about my child’s behavior… or is this about me?”
Maybe it was when your toddler’s whining sent you into an instant tailspin.
Or when your child’s tone of voice felt unexpectedly disrespectful.
Or when you suddenly heard your parent’s voice coming out of your mouth and thought—“Wait. What just happened?”
These moments are incredibly common. And they don’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
In fact, they’re often the beginning of deep, meaningful healing.
Why We React the Way We Do
We all carry stories.
From our childhoods. From our culture. From the way love, discipline, safety, and emotion were modeled to us growing up.
So when your child is melting down in the grocery store or pushing boundaries at bedtime, your nervous system might be reacting to more than the present moment.
You might be responding to:
A fear of being judged
A belief that “good moms don’t lose control”
A deep discomfort with big emotions
A learned urgency to make things “perfect” or “quiet”
This is what we call a “me thing.”
It’s when your body and beliefs get activated by something that touches an old wound—not necessarily by your child doing something wrong.
Step One: Notice the Pattern
Start by getting curious.
What situations leave you feeling flooded or reactive?
What thoughts immediately come up?
What sensations do you feel in your body? (Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Racing heart?)
Awareness isn’t always comfortable, but it’s essential. It helps you step out of autopilot and into intentional parenting.
Step Two: Pause the Pattern
Once you notice what’s happening, try to pause before reacting. This doesn’t mean ignoring your child—it means giving yourself a moment to breathe and regulate.
Here are a few body-based tools to help you calm your nervous system:
Move: Shake out your hands, stretch, or step outside for a minute.
Shift temperature: Splash cold water on your face or hold something warm.
Engage the senses: Smell something calming, sip water, or take a deep breath and listen to music.
These small tools give your body a chance to come back online so you can respond rather than react.
Step Three: Reconnect + Repair
If you realize you’ve reacted out of an old wound, that’s okay. Repair is always possible.
You can say something like:
“I got overwhelmed and snapped, and that wasn’t fair to you.”
“I’m working on staying calm when things get loud. Let’s try again.”
This teaches your child that mistakes are part of relationships—and that healing is possible.
Step Four: Tend to the Deeper Stuff
Identifying the “me stuff” is just the beginning.
Often, the next step is giving yourself space to unpack what’s underneath.
You might need to process:
Your own childhood experiences
Perfectionism or people-pleasing tendencies
Birth trauma, postpartum stress, or identity shifts
This is where therapy can help.
At ēma therapy, we don’t just talk about what’s happening—we help you work with what your body is holding. Because true healing happens from the inside out.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming
Learning to recognize your triggers and rewrite your reactions is hard.
But it’s also powerful.
And it’s one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and your child.
You don’t have to do it alone.
📞 Let’s talk. Book a free 15-minute intro call today.
✨ Therapy available in-person in San Marcos and La Costa, CA, or virtually throughout California.
By: Ellie Messinger-Adam LPCC
Owner and therapist at ēma therapy
