The “ONE Thing” Motherhood Method: How It Works and Why

Motherhood is chaotic. There’s no denying that. From midnight feedings to toddler tantrums to school mornings, the demands never seem to stop. We juggle a thousand things at once, and it’s easy to get lost in the whirlwind of “fixing it all.” But what if, instead of trying to solve every problem in the heat of the moment, we focused on one single thing?

This is the heart of the "ONE Thing" Motherhood Method: In every moment of chaos, ask yourself: “What’s my ONE goal right now?”

What is Your ONE Goal?

When everything feels urgent and your child is melting down, it’s tempting to react with a million things running through your mind. You might be thinking: “How do I fix this tantrum, the forgotten snack, and the missing shoe — all at once?!”

But here’s the thing: trying to fix everything only adds more stress. Not just for you, but for your child, too.

The "ONE Thing" Motherhood Method asks you to pause and refocus on what truly matters in that moment. By narrowing your focus, you’re not just reacting; you’re responding in a way that helps both of you feel more grounded and understood.

A Moment That Changed Everything

I’ll never forget the time my toddler absolutely refused to get into the car. We were already running late. The baby was crying. The diaper bag was missing something important (it always is). And I could feel myself spiraling.

I wanted to fix everything at once—the tantrum, the logistics, my own rising anxiety.

But instead, I sat down on the curb, took a deep breath, and asked myself:
“What’s my ONE goal right now?”

It wasn’t to be on time. It wasn’t to find the perfect solution. It was simply to connect with my child and help them feel safe enough to move forward.

That shift — from fixing to connecting — changed the entire moment.

(And no, we weren't magically on time. But we were together. And that's what mattered for us that day.)

The Prior Work: Knowing What You Want for Your Child

Now, here’s where it gets interesting: figuring out your ONE goal isn’t always as simple as asking yourself in the heat of the moment. In fact, you might need to do a little prior work first. Before you can decide what your ONE goal is in the chaos of the moment, you’ll want to get clear on what’s most important for your child in general. This may even be something you and your partner discuss and explore together.

Think about the challenges your child has been facing lately. Have they been struggling with independence? Are they feeling insecure? Are there big transitions or emotions they haven’t quite processed?

The key to using the ONE Thing method effectively is reflection. You need to understand the bigger picture of what your child needs and what they’re going through. By having this awareness, you’ll be better equipped to respond with intention rather than reacting out of frustration.

Bonus points: if you and your partner have already discussed this and in the moment you can both signal to each other about the one thing you are focusing on as a team.

Examples of What Your ONE Goal Might Be

So, once you’ve done a little groundwork and figured out what your child might need right now, you can make a conscious decision about your ONE goal.

Depending on the moment, your ONE goal might be different. Here are some examples:

• Calm Connection: You’re not focused on fixing the behavior — you’re focused on being present and connected.

• Encourage Independence: Maybe instead of solving the problem for them, your goal is to guide them to try again on their own.

• Hold Space for Feelings: Sometimes, the ONE goal is just to listen. Letting your child express their emotions without trying to immediately fix them can help them process and move through the moment.

• Prioritize Safety: If a situation is dangerous, the goal is immediate safety above all else.

Whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be intentional.

A Simple Tool: Reflective Journaling or Micro-Check-Ins

Sometimes, in the rush of motherhood, it’s hard to even think about your ONE goal in the moment. That’s where a quick reflective practice can come in handy. Whether you take five minutes after a challenging moment to jot down your thoughts or do a quick "micro-check-in" with yourself, this practice helps you get clear on what happened, what worked, and what you might want to try next time.

Try this: after a moment of chaos (or even during), take a moment to breathe and ask yourself:
"What did I focus on? How did I respond? What did my child need from me right then?"

This doesn’t have to be a long reflection—just a quick check-in can help you build awareness and self-compassion over time. By doing this regularly, you’ll start to feel more grounded in your role as a mom, and you’ll get better at recognizing what your child truly needs in each situation.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about learning and growing, moment by moment.

Why This Works

When we focus on one goal, we remove the pressure of trying to fix everything. It helps us stay calm and in control, so we can truly be there for our kids, even in the messiest moments. The beauty of this method is that it allows us to act with intention rather than getting swept up in emotional overwhelm. And more importantly, it gives us permission to slow down, take a deep breath, and show up for our children with patience and empathy.

Final Thoughts: It’s About Progress, Not Perfection

Remember, motherhood is not about having perfect solutions for every meltdown or chaotic moment. It’s about being intentional and present in the moments that matter. By practicing the "ONE Thing" Motherhood Method, you’ll find more clarity and calm in the midst of the chaos. One goal, one breath, one moment at a time.

Ellie Messinger-Adams LPCC

Owner and Therapist at ēma therapy